The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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