Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
