I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
