Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why didn't you poke me back
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
