hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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