Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
