is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a āIāve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood godā sort of way.
Randomize
