i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
