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Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
