I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
