You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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