Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
