it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
