Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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