Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
