after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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