I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My vagina is very pro this idea
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
