Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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