Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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