Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
