A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
