your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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