K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
