last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
