party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we made out on top of his cat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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