just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
