I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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