too bad you live with your parents still
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
