its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
