He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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