how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
