this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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