i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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