every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
