oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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