She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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