im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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