I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
