Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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