i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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