Even the bartender felt bad for me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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