So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
