so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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