I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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