he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
