from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
