so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
