When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
