I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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