For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
