Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
