My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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