I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
