Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
