I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
