I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
