I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
