Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
