Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize