I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize