I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My dick has a subreddit
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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