I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
