If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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