i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
