News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Bring me that man meat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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