Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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