Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
