Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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