Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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