remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
