I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
