Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
