Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
