So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
