I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We have started to decorate penises.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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