it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
