So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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