I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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