Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
